Now you can enjoy the worst part of being famous, without any of the good stuff that goes along with it, like money, fast cars, women, etc.

That’s right, now you can pay $75 per photographer per hour, to have a crew of annoying paparazzi follow you around as though you are someone people are interested in seeing. Of course you aren’t interesting at all, or you wouldn’t have to pay for this service.

Check it out at PrivatePaparazzi.com

If I ever met someone that actually paid for this, I would probably beat them unconscious just on principle.

If you’ve read any of my previous posts, you’ll know I have always wondered why we haven’t seen any really cool genetically-engineerd hybrid animals. I blame the religious fanatics for stopping progress in this area.

Now it looks like I will actually get to see what the combination of a monkey and a pig would look like. Witness the horror that is the monkey-faced pig:

That thing is bad-ass. Too bad they couldn’t mix it with some human genes and make it speak english.

Its owner, Feng Changlin from Fengzhang village, Xiping township, reportedly said “It’s hideous. No one will be willing to buy it, and it scares the family to even look at it!”

He says the piglet looks just like a monkey, with two thin lips, a small nose and two big eyes. Its rear legs are also much longer than its forelegs, causing it to jump instead of walk.

Feast your eyes on the TwoDaLoo….a toilet billed as being able to “Save Rocky Marriages and the Planet”.

Sorry, but how the hell does taking a shit beside your wife make your marriage better? My shits are disgustingly nasty and almost choke me out at times. I can just imagine subjecting someone else to them.

They also claim it is supposed to save the environment since you both flush at the same time, saving water. So let me get this straight, uses half the amount of water to flush down two nasty shits? I usually take 3 flushes just to get down one of my dumps.

The real kicker is you can also order it with an IPOD dock and a LCD tv. So taking a shit with your wife is now a social gathering? I’ll pass on this one.

IF you want to start sharing your shits with your wife, you can order one here for the low, low price of $1400.

I’m not a particularily patriotic person, but I do love my Budweiser, (crazy announcer voice: “TO THE EXTREME!!!!”) and the thought of the company being sold to a bunch of Belgians kinda bothers me. I’m not sure why, Belgians are pretty good people and they make some good beer themselves. But Bud is basically synonymous with the United States. At least they aren’t selling it to the Russians or Chinese.

But in case you too are bothered by this sale taking place, check out:

SaveBudweiser

to do your part to try to stop it.

This woman admits she has had a sexual relationship with her brother for years. I admit, halfway through the story, I got a boner.

“On New Year’s Eve Daniel went to a party and by the time he got home I was already asleep. I was extremely sleepy when he crept into my room and curled up on my bed, which was something we’d both done for years, especially if we wanted to share some snippet of gossip. When he started stroking my hair and face it was a surprise, but I could feel myself drifting pleasurably back to sleep as he caressed me gently. Then I became aware of his hand drifting lower and suddenly I was wide awake as he stroked my neck and started sliding his hand down my vest top. I wasn’t scared but I was surprised as he started stroking me, though my overriding sensation was one of sheer pleasure. I instinctively lifted my mouth to his as he kissed me and then he hugged me very tightly and left.”

Click here to read the rest of this perverted mess.

Do you like seeing women fart on cakes? Ya, me too.

Check out FartCake.com

Now this is friggin’ cool. It’s called a WASP knife. When you stab someone with it, it injects a blast of compressed gas into them, instantly freezing and exploding their internal organs.

Apparently it was designed to assist hunters and divers to take down large animals quickly. I guess authorities are already worried about these things falling into the hands of whackos who might want to use them on their fellow man.

Here’s a video of one in action. Just imagine if that watermelon was your stomach.

If you want to buy one, check out their site. Only $379.95!

This just goes to show you how fucked up those people over there are. This is supposed to be a kid’s show, similar to Sesame Street or Teddy Ruxpin or whatever the hell kids are watching these days.

Watch as they give today’s lesson on why you should never steal. (because they’ll chop your fucking hands off!)

Is it wrong for me to be sexually aroused by these photos?

Just kidding, that is actually a pretty horrible thing to say. I must say, this is a real shame. No doubt she was a real looker when she was alive.

WARNING: This shit is gruesome.

Check out her pics here, courtesy of B0g.org.

This guy is my hero. The symbol for white trash all over the world.

A 33-year-old Michigan man is accused of wearing a “World’s Greatest Dad” shirt to a meeting for sex with what he thought was a 14-year-old girl. Daniel Allen Everett of Clarkston was arraigned Tuesday in Novi on charges of child sexual abuse and using the Internet to attempt child sexual abuse. A jail official says it isn’t known whether Everett has a lawyer. A spokesman for Attorney General Mike Cox could not confirm whether Everett has children. But Cox says in a statement that the arrest is a reminder that “a parent can pose a threat to our children.”