If you’re tired of dealing with the local thugs in the bad part of town, now you can get your groove on the safe way, by ordering your illegal narcotics online.
Order yourself some crack here.
Thanks to a legal loophole in the Maastrict Treaty establishing free trade within the European Community, we are able to sell direct, to you the Public, from Malta, where cocaine is a recognised pharmecutical. As long as it is all for your own consumption (i.e. not for resale), there is nothing Customs and Excise nor the Police can do.
In case you are a bit dense, please don’t enter your credit card info on that site.
A long time ago after I ended up with a dose of crabs from cavorting with a Mexican street urchin, I always thought there had to be a better way to protect yourself than just shaving your pubic region bald. I realize it makes your wang look bigger when you do that, but for some reason it just seems wrong.
Then one day I discovered the Merkin, AKA, the pubic wig.
Now I can have the protection that shaved genitals offer me, while enjoying the manly look of a full mane of pubic hair.
Even the merkins have undergone a change recently, from being just plain ballsack wigs, to having fancy designer styling in a variety of colours, for both men and women.
To pick up your own pubic hairdos, check out MerkinWorld.com
Whatever you do, please don’t use them for facial hair.
Now this is some creepy ass shit. Apparently some “natives” in Borneo captured a full-sized Orangutan, shaved it bald, then held it captive as a sex slave in a brothel.
Her name is Pony, and here is what she looked like when she was found in her den of iniquity.
OK, I admit, I’ve fucked some nasty whores before, but I don’t think anything I’ve touched would compare to this shaved orangutan. How desperate do you have to be to stick your dick in that?
Check out this tidbit from the news story:
If a man walked near her, she would turn herself around, present herself, and start gyrating and going through the motions. She was being used as a sex slave. She was probably about six or seven years old when we rescued her, but she had been held captive by a madam for a long time. The madam refused to give up the animal because everyone loved Pony and she was a big part of their income. They also thought Pony was lucky, as she would pick winning lottery numbers.
Check out the full story here.
Now you can enjoy the worst part of being famous, without any of the good stuff that goes along with it, like money, fast cars, women, etc.
That’s right, now you can pay $75 per photographer per hour, to have a crew of annoying paparazzi follow you around as though you are someone people are interested in seeing. Of course you aren’t interesting at all, or you wouldn’t have to pay for this service.
If I ever met someone that actually paid for this, I would probably beat them unconscious just on principle.
Feast your eyes on the TwoDaLoo….a toilet billed as being able to “Save Rocky Marriages and the Planet”.
Sorry, but how the hell does taking a shit beside your wife make your marriage better? My shits are disgustingly nasty and almost choke me out at times. I can just imagine subjecting someone else to them.
They also claim it is supposed to save the environment since you both flush at the same time, saving water. So let me get this straight, uses half the amount of water to flush down two nasty shits? I usually take 3 flushes just to get down one of my dumps.
The real kicker is you can also order it with an IPOD dock and a LCD tv. So taking a shit with your wife is now a social gathering? I’ll pass on this one.
IF you want to start sharing your shits with your wife, you can order one here for the low, low price of $1400.
This guy has one of the best scams going I have ever seen.
You see, he is a cripple, and claims that he can’t get out of his wheelchair to take a leak, so he has to keep a towel with him to soak up any pee spillage that might occur when he is trying to aim his urine into the toilet bowl from the comfort of his chair.
Of course it is no fun carrying around a pee-soaked towel all day, so this guy wants you to give him money so he can afford an endless supply of pee towels.
Hats off to you brother. I hope you make millions.
Donate to his pee towel fund at:
In this day and age it is hard to believe there still might be some people out there living totally outside of society, with no contact with modern civilization at all.
Apparently they just discovered one such tribe in the Amazon. They flew over top of them in a helicopter and the tribesman actually got out their bows and arrows and started firing at them. They probably thought some kind of strange mechanical bird was about to rain hellfire down on them. Sounds like something out of an Indiana Jones movie.
It might be sick for me to think like this, but I would love to come storming through the woods in a Humvee with a machine gun turret mounted on the back, throwing fire bombs and shooting up the place. I would kidnap their women and burn down their entire village. I’d be firing my Mossberg at them and I would have Slayer’s “Angel of Death” playing over a loudspeaker system.
I’d also make sure I had some sort of kick ass demon mask on so they would think that hell on earth had erupted, and that whatever God they worshipped had come to earth to seek a terrible vengeance on them.
That would be fucking bad ass. That’s it, I’m booking a flight to the Amazon.
Check out the full story here.
I think everyone was tired of that old bastard Bob Barker telling everyone to have their pets spayed or neutered. Thank God he is off the air.
I hate animals and refuse to keep them in my house, so chopping my pet’s ballsack off is not something I’ve ever had to worry about. But a lot of pet owners do end up chopping their dog’s balls off. Now there is a way to maintain your dog’s dignity, instead of letting it run around like a no-balled freak.
Fake ball implants for your dog, or just about any other animal that has a set of balls. Once you have your dog’s nuts cut off, you just get a set of these handy fake balls and he won’t be able to tell the difference.
They start at $73 and go up from there, plus the cost of having your vet implant them.
I thought I’d include this gratuitous shot of a women playing with bull balls just for fun.
Just for the record, they are not suitable for human use, so don’t even think about ordering a set of these to make your ballsack look bigger.
Since I am basically a raging alcoholic, I don’t particularily like being bombarded with anti-drunk driving commercials, random roadside checks, and penalties so stiff you’d think you were living in some sort of dirty muslim country where they routinely dispense justice with machetes.
Finally someone has the balls to speak out against MADD, the organization that is responsible for all the anti-drinking propaganda we get pelted with every day.
Ya, I know drinking and driving isn’t the smartest thing to do, but if I want to have two beers at a local pub I shouldn’t have to worry about being thrown in jail just for trying to get home. There’s no fucking taxis around here and we have the greatest amount of cops per capita in our whole province.
They’ve got tons of great articles on their site and stuff that will make you think twice about donating any money to MADD. Anyway, I’ll step off my soap box now and go get another Budweiser.
Those Asians sure are a crazy bunch. Now they have a specialty restaurant in Beijing that serves nothing but penis dishes. Everything from ox penis to yak penis. I bet they smell atrocious.
Check out the rest of their disgusting menu here.