Why couldn’t I get lucky when I was a kid and get “molested” by one of these hot mommas?

I don’t care what anyone says, if you are a straight male you wouldn’t mind any of these fine ladies having a go at you when you were underage. As long as you were old enough to get it up and not a blood relative.

Some examples:

Heather Shelton
Age at time of offense: 22
Location: Buncombe, NC

Occupation: Teacher’s Assistant

Lover: 18-year-old student

Crime: In North Carolina it is a felony for any teacher to have sex with a student regardless of the age of the student.

Sentence: Fired from her job

Debra Lafave
Age at time of offense: 25
Location: Tampa, FL

Occupation: Middle School Teacher

Lover: 14 year-old male student

Crime: Numerous sexual encounters with a teen in her classroom, her home and her SUV. Charged with 4 felony counts of lewd and lascivious battery and one count of lewd and lascivious exhibition.

Sentence: 3 years house arrest, 7 years probation and lifetime registration as a sex offender who cannot work near children

Odd Fact: Nick Carter claims to have lost his virginity to Ms. Lafave

Pamela Rogers Turner
Age at time of offense: 27
Location: McMinniville, TN

Occupation: Elementary School Teacher, Physical Education and Basketball Coach

Lover: 13 year-old male student

Crime: Having vaginal and oral sex with a minor on more than a dozen occasions at school, her home and the teens’ home. She was later arrested for sending nude photos, sex videos and text messages to a minor and continuing communications with the boy through blogs and a website after her original arrest. She was ultimately charged with 4 counts of sexual battery by an authority figure and violation of probation

Sentence: 270 days in prison, an 8-year suspended sentence, 7 years 3 months probation, register as a sex offender and surrender her teaching certificate for life.

I bet the kids these ladies “molested” were angry as fuck when their incidents got brought out into the public. They had some nice ass on tap and everyone had to go and blow it for them.

Check out the rest of these hotties here.

STATE-OF-THE ART X-RAY DETECTION SOLUTIONS
TO FIGHT TERRORISM AND SMUGGLING!

Bonus: They also let you see through women’s clothing!

Introducing the new Digi Eye X-Ray glasses!

I love people like this that blatantly try to rip people off and don’t care at all how shady they look. I especially like the fake picture they photoshopped of their “mascot” being interviewed on CNN.

Get your own pair of fake X-Ray glasses for only $249 from XOLLLAB.com

The sad thing is that they probably have sold some of these already.

Thank God I found this. I was getting tired of calling black people niggers. Now I’ve got plenty of synonyms I can use instead.

If you and your redneck buddies have come up with your own racial slur for a certain ethnic group, then you can even submit it for approval.

Check out the Racial Slur Database.

I know everyone and their dog seems to think they are MMA experts these days, but I must admit I genuinely enjoy watching the stuff.

This is the fight I have been waiting for.

If you surfed any fight forums, or just about any forum, you’ve probably already seen Kimbo in action. He’s basically a giant knee-grow that got his start in backyard, bare-knuckle fights where he would make about $5,000 or more per fight. All highly illegal of course. In this fight, he actually knocked the guy’s eye right out of the socket. (you can see it hanging at the end of the video)

He was also security for the folks that run the NastyDollars company of porn sites. (they are responsible for such classics as MilfHunter,  InTheVIP and MikesApartment.

You can actually see Kimbo in this video for InTheVIP. (first video on the left)

Check out all of  Kimbo’s past fight videos here.

Anyway, the fight is scheduled for February 16, so don’t miss it.

So you’re dead. Now what?

You can get put in a box where the worms will slowly eat away your decaying flesh, or you can get cremated till there’s nothing left of you but ash and bone.

If you’re like me, you’ll want to take the cremation option. I have far too many enemies, I don’t want them coming to my grave after I’m dead and defiling my corpse. Or just pissing on it, for that matter.

This site explains the cremation process in detail. Check out the links at the top for more info than you can handle. Not sure how the random images of hot, scantily clothed women fit in with the site’s theme, but I’m not complaining.

Check it out at Cremate-me.net

This neat little site lets you calculate exactly how much money you waste on getting laid. If you notice the links at the top they also have specific calculators, depending on whether you have a girlfriend or a wife, or just use the bar scene.

I keep this expense to a minimum by only fucking hookers and strippers.

Check out CostOfSex.com.

This site puts up a pretty good list of reasons not to get married. If I was stupid enough to contemplate getting married before, I sure wouldn’t be after reading this site.

I especially enjoyed their examples of American women, and their page on why every man should just find a good foreign woman to keep at home as a love slave.

Check out NoMarriage.com

I got a kick out of this site. They ask a very simple question that would probably confuse a lot of religious people.

If you think religion is bogus like me, or just want to read the theories of someone who does, then check this site out. There’s a lot of reading but it’s actually pretty interesting stuff.

Check it out at:

WhyWontGodHealAmputees.com

Nothing chaps my buttocks quite as bad as people that dress their dogs up in stupid, little outfits and knitted sweaters. You can see the humiliation in the animal’s eyes as they walk by on their leash. You just know they are thinking “Kill me, kill me. Please kill me.”

If you want to dress your dog up, then do it the right way. Get them a full suit of platemail! PitbillArmory.com makes the coolest looking dog armor I have ever seen. (actually it’s the only dog armor I have ever seen)

I swear if I owned a dog the first thing I would do is buy them a suit of armor.

They also make armor for humans, horses and even squirrels. Not sure how you would ever make a squirrel sit still long enough to put armor on it, but I guess it might look cool on a stuffed one.

Check it out at PitBullArmory.com